Introduction

In the intricate tapestry of human emotions, few are as pervasive and quietly destructive as shame and stigma. These two forces, though distinct in their origins, often intertwine to create a powerful undercurrent that shapes our behavior, self-perception, and interactions with others. Shame, a deeply rooted and complex emotion, extends far beyond a momentary feeling of embarrassment—it can embed itself within our identity, influencing how we see ourselves and how we navigate the world. Stigma, on the other hand, is the external mark of disgrace imposed by society, branding individuals based on certain traits or experiences.

Together, shame and stigma form a vicious cycle, each reinforcing the other in a way that can be difficult to break. Whether in the personal realm or within the workplace, these forces can isolate individuals, erode their confidence, and ultimately disrupt the delicate balance of social cohesion. Understanding how shame and stigma manifest and interact is crucial for addressing their impact, particularly in environments where belonging and acceptance are key to both individual and collective success.

What is Stigma/Shame

Shame, as traditionally defined, refers to "a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior." What is particularly troubling about shame, however, is its intrinsic complexity as a core emotion with deep, multilayered roots that often extend back to our formative years. It is not merely a fleeting feeling but a profound emotional state that can pervade one’s sense of self, shaping behavior and identity over time.

Similarly, stigma is characterized as "a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person." The intersection between shame and stigma is striking, as both can lead individuals to internalize a sense of defectiveness, creating a vicious cycle of self-perception that is difficult to escape.

At a more fundamental level, there is an almost primal element to this dynamic. Imagine, for instance, witnessing a crowd of people fleeing from an unseen danger; our instinctive reaction would be to follow suit, compelled by an ancient survival mechanism.

Shame and stigma function in a similar fashion, isolating individuals from the safety and acceptance of the collective, the "in-group."

This exclusion taps into a deeply ingrained herd mentality, where belonging is essential to survival and success.

Shame makes us cover up, one of the characteristics of shame is that we want to cover our face, we do not want to show our face, hence safe face.

Yet, shame is uniquely insidious, as it strikes at the very core of personal identity, compelling us to conceal our perceived flaws. This is evident in the metaphors embedded in our language: we speak of "saving face," "keeping your head up," or "holding your head high," all of which convey a resistance to the isolating and debasing power of shame. Shame makes us cover up, one of the characteristics of shame is that we want to cover our face, we do not want to show our face, hence safe face.

Experience of shame

In Christine Sanderson’s Book : Counselling skills for working with shame, Christine outlines an exercise for a client to become aware of their shame and how it feels in the body.

Look at this image and answer the following questions:
What associations do you make looking at the image?
Where do you feel this in your body?
Where thoughts are visiting you ?
What are the memories that are surfacing ?
This excercise usually makes people aware of thier internal and projective shame.

Manifest

The manifestation of shame is deeply individual, varying significantly from one person to another. For many, shame takes root in their family background, past experiences, or traumatic events such as abuse or bullying, or more applicable it could be about their own mental health. This emotion embeds itself within us, becoming an integral part of our identity. We may attempt to conceal it, deny its existence, lash out at others whom we perceive as the source of our shame, withdraw from social interactions, or let it entirely consume our sense of self. In the context of domestic abuse or sexual violence, the survivor often internalizes the shame inflicted upon them, bearing its weight as though it were their own burden to carry. Others might experience shame stemming from growing up in poverty, where societal judgments magnify the sense of inadequacy.

Shame is a uniquely social emotion, one that emerges most acutely in the presence of others.

Some scholars and researchers suggest that shame functions as a regulatory mechanism within social systems, reinforcing hierarchies and social norms. It serves to maintain order by signaling when behavior deviates from what is deemed acceptable, thus keeping individuals in check within the broader societal structure.

Working with it

Shame operates much like a persistent virus, one that attaches itself to our psyche and resists eradication. Much like the isolating impact of COVID-19, shame distances us from others, not for physical safety, but because the emotional weight of shame can be unbearable. It becomes a relentless inner voice, cataloging our perceived failures and drawing the bleak conclusion that we are inherently defective or dysfunctional. This internal narrative convinces us that we are unworthy of belonging to the "in group."

At its core, shame is not an emotion that originates within us; rather, it is something imposed upon us by others at various points in our lives. It embeds itself deep within our unconscious mind, lying dormant until it surfaces—often at the most inopportune moments—seeking to reaffirm its hold over us.

As a fundamental emotion, shame is patient and insidious, waiting quietly until it can insinuate itself into our thoughts and actions, ultimately achieving its aim of keeping us isolated and disconnected.

Stigma and shame often intertwine in the workplace when external judgments or biases—such as those related to mental health, performance, or personal circumstances—become internalized by employees, leading them to feel inadequate or unworthy.

This dynamic creates a self-perpetuating cycle where the fear of being stigmatized amplifies feelings of shame, which in turn drives individuals to conceal their struggles, further isolating them from their colleagues and diminishing their sense of belonging. Ultimately, the presence of stigma reinforces shame, while shame deepens the impact of stigma, eroding both individual well-being and overall workplace cohesion.

What to do

Cultivate an Empathetic Leadership Style: Encourage leaders and managers to actively demonstrate empathy by openly discussing their own challenges and mistakes. This approach can help reduce the shame individuals feel about their own struggles, fostering a culture where vulnerability is seen as a strength rather than a weakness.

Implement Anti-Stigma Training and Policies: Provide targeted training that educates employees about the harmful effects of stigma and how it contributes to shame. Establish clear policies that prevent discriminatory behaviours and ensure that all employees understand the importance of maintaining a stigma-free workplace.

Encourage Open Communication and Support Networks: Create safe spaces where employees can openly share their experiences without fear of judgment. Peer support groups or mentorship programs can be instrumental in helping individuals feel less isolated and reducing the internalization of shame.

Promote Mental Health Awareness and Resources: Ensure that employees have access to mental health resources and that these resources are actively promoted. Educating the workforce about mental health can demystify common issues, reduce stigma, and encourage individuals to seek help without feeling ashamed.

Regularly Evaluate and Address Workplace Culture: Continuously assess the workplace environment through surveys or feedback mechanisms to identify areas where stigma may still be present. Use this information to make necessary changes, ensuring that the workplace evolves to become more inclusive and supportive over time.

We all walk around with some degree of shame, whether it is conscious or unconscious. Stigma in the workplace can significantly increase a person shame to levels that may be unmanagable for them to bear.

I hope you enjoyed this post.

Be well

Dave Gahan

"Breaking the Silence: How Stigma and Shame Are Sabotaging Your Workplace—and What You Can Do About It"